Bittersweet
by DisilludedNight
Summary: A story of Yuyake and her life before the Varia. She has many fond and bitter memories of watching Gokudera grow from an innocent to rebellious teen. When she meets him once more, over ten years later, she struggles to hide the remains of her childhood love.
1. Chapter 1

Alone. Unwanted. Unneeded. Useless. The feelings of agony filled Yuyake to the brim as she sat against a crumbling old wall. The white stone was soft and chalky but stained with her red blood that was still glistening. Everyone around her was dead, their eyes closed.

"Mama?" Yuyake whimpered as she reached for her long gone mother. A pang of pain shot through her and Yuyake held back a loud yelp of pain. Gripping her arm, Yuyake fumbled with her jacket to tie up the wound that stretched from her elbow to her wrist. It was a painful process that left Yuyake trying to swallow her pain. But the effort was in vain as a dark shadow loomed over her.

"Well well well. What do we have here?" An amused chuckle slipped from the man's mouth as his light grey eyes glanced at the wound. "You won't be going anywhere," he laughed darkly as the eyes of the tired girl begin to slide shut. His black suited arm reaches towards her neck, his strong hand flexing. As soon as him hands reach her neck, Yuyake's eyes fly open and smiled triumphantly, causing the man to fall back.

Standing up, the sight of her own dripping blood did not stop Yuyake as she reached out with her frail looking hand. The man desperately tried to back up, falling to the ground. Still the small and weak looking hand reached down and gently grasped his sweating neck. His grey eyes widened as he watched the little girls hand tighten. Small purple flames were sprouting from her fingers and they attached themselves to the shaken man's neck. Trying to raise his hand, the man felt his body freeze unwillingly as his neck began to burn. With a silent movement, Yuyake snapped the man's neck, killing him instantly.

Pulling her hand back quickly, Yuyake stared at the lifeless man, her eyes void of feelings. A warm tingling sensation spread throughout her body as energy filled her again. The small flames on her hands flared up for a quick moment before they sputtered out, leaving Yuyake shivering. Knowing what would happen; Yuyake untied her jacket from her arm and glanced at it. The bloody wound was slowly closing up and soon, it was completely healed, save for a sore throbbing. Quickly, a painful cold feeling began crawling up Yuyake's hands. It seemed to drag up her arms, leaving burning pain that devoured them. Yuyake winced knowingly as the pain crept up her neck and willingly slid to the ground.

Darkness engulfed her as memories began to rush into Yuyake. There were joyful ones where a newborn child was squirming in strong arms or a quick glimpse of a sweet face. But they were dominated by the more numerous thoughts of pain, agony, and pity. With her own eyes, Yuyake saw another man's arm, lifting a gun to someone's temple. She cringed, rolling into a small ball as she felt the burst of satisfaction, bitter agony, and even a sliver of envy. In her head, words that did not belong to her echoed. "Be happy your death is swift. I would beg for a death that would free me from this endless killing." Squeezing her eyes shut, Yuyake slowly allowed herself to be drowned in overflow of emotions and memories. The world around her was lost to the blurry dream in her mind.

Waking up, Yuyake smelt a warm smell of cinnamon and sweet chocolate. Forcing her tired eyes to open, Yuyake flinched as she saw a man hovering above her. He had a warm smile on and his eyes were filled with worry. Shakily, Yuyake sat up, propping herself up with her arms. She hung her head low, unwilling to look at the well-dressed man. Softly the man beside her asked, "Little girl. What's your name?" Still Yuyake said nothing. In her mind, worry fluttered. Did the man know about what she could do? Was he here to force her into a job?

An awkward silence filled the room as two strong looking men barged into the warm little room. "Boss!

Something happened!" they hollered, ignoring the sight of the little girl in bed. Behind them, a shy silver haired boy peaked in curiously. Yuyake's eyes flashed to him, smiling. He seemed to be her age, five, maybe six. She missed playing with kids her age. Even though she was five, her family busied her with lessons to control her Ladro Flames, or Thief Flames. They didn't want her to lose control of her deep purple flames in fear that she might "steal their life force", as they quoted. Shaking herself from her thoughts, Yuyake looked back at the man innocently. Pointing at the anxious boy, the man chuckled softly as he watched the little girl jump off the bed and run at the direction he pointed in. Yuyake greeted the boy with a tight hug and he responded by momentarily turning red.

Watching his son pull Yuyake away from the door, the man's eyes filled with a serious look. Turning to his waiting men, he pulled his hands behind him, grasping them tightly for the incoming information. Coughing, the taller man bowed slightly and began reading off a parchment.

"It is official. The Ladro Family is destroyed. No one longer wields the flames that consume all life," he reported in a calm and confident voice. The man next to him took out a silver ring where a dark purple gem wrapped around it. "And here is their family's ring," he continued in a gruff voice as the other man handed the ring to their boss. The old man nodded a look of satisfaction on his face. Without another word, the men left their grinning boss and went along to attend to other matters. But neither of them recognized the fake gleam the ring reflected as it was thrown into a deep deep lake.

"What's your name?" Yuyake asked the boy that was dragging her through the halls. She nearly tripped as he suddenly stopped and she scowled. Turning around, the dark-eyed boy bowed slightly, a solemn look on his face.

"Forgive me for being rude. I am Hayato Gokudera," he mumbled, his face red. He raised his head in surprise as laughter filled his ears. Lifting his head curiously, Gokudera met Yuyake's face who was only a breath away from his.

Smiling sweetly, Yuyake let another chiming giggle escape her lips as she watched Gokudera drawback, stunned. "Hello Gokudera My name is Yuyake!" she said as a bright spark lit in her once void eyes. Unsure what to do, Gokudera smiled tentatively. The two looked at each other, unsure how to approach each other. Looking down, Gokudera shuffled his feet nervously as Yuyake glanced around. A few maids had passed by and they were giggling and pointing at the two children.

Finally, Yuyake tried to break the silence. "Gokudera?" All she received was a mumble. Shaking her head at his half-hearted attempt to answer, Yuyake went on. "What do you like to do?"

Instantly, Gokudera's head shot up and his shy look was replaced with an excited one. Grabbing Yuyake's hand, he pulled her towards the door large door that they stood by. Before Yuyake could protest at the sudden action, he began talking. "I really like playing the piano. There's a nice lady who comes by and plays with me!"

Curiously, Yuyake asked, "Who's the lady?"

Grinning apologetically, Gokudera shook his head. "I'm not sure. She never told me what her name was. But her hair is the same color as mine and she's really nice!" Yuyake looked at Gokudera suspiciously. _Did he really not guess it?_ Yuyake thought irritably. _Silver is a rare hair color…I'm sure they're related somehow._ But the oblivious and innocent look on his face confirmed Yuyake's thoughts. A disappointed look flickered across her face as she opened her mouth to announce her theory.

But Gokudera had swung the thick oak doors open, revealing a large room filled with a gentle sunset. The light that came in was amber orange and it was warm as it fell on Yuyake's arms. In the middle sat a black grand piano that was basking in the last of the sunlight. Waving Yuyake towards him, Gokudera hopped onto the piano chair. Carefully, Yuyake closed the doors behind her and joined Gokudera on the comfortable chair. Already his fingers were positioning themselves to start playing.

A sweet melody filled the peaceful room as the ivory keys were pressed gently by Gokudera. Smiling, Gokudera's eyes were focused on his fingers as they flew across the key. The tempo quickly picked up as Yuyake's eyes began following the dancing fingers. Her attention stayed entirely with the fingers and when Gokudera finished the song, Yuyake sat dazed, her head lost in the lingering notes. Gokudera waited for her to come back to reality, sitting there patiently.

Moments later, Yuyake's glazed eyes blinked and she turned to look at Gokudera enviously. "You're lucky you can play like that!" she whined as she crossed her arms.

Biting back his laugh, Gokudera smiled at her. "Do you want to learn?" he questioned Yuyake. She responded by throwing her arms around his small shoulders and hugging him tightly. In a flurry of excitement, Gokudera chuckled and assumed she did want to learn.

The two passed sometime as Gokudera tried to teach Yuyake how to play the piano. She had no interest in the basics and she pushed him to teach her the song he had played. And much to his surprise, Yuyake was a quick learner. By the time a maid had come to retrieve them for dinner, Yuyake was playing the song with some grace.

A few weeks passes and Gokudera and Yuyake spent their time leisurely, except when Gokudera had to go to his academic lessons. During the times where they were forced to be quiet, Yuyake recited her story in her head silently. Although Gokudera's father did not say anything to her, she was still wary and made up lies about herself. "My name is Yuyake Murasaki. I am five years old. I enjoy listening to the piano and exploring outside. I don't like dogs. I don't know where I'm from. My family is dead." Yuyake repeated the lines continuously until they were carved into her mind. She spun a purple ring in her pockets again and again until it warmed in her hands. Holding it dearly, Yuyake held it as the only thing left from her lost family.

At first, the tutors frowned when they saw Yuyake but eventually they ignored her as she continued to follow Gokudera to class. More often than not, they asked her difficult questions that she didn't understand. Gokudera always rescued her during these times and answered for her when she couldn't answer. Extremely grateful for that, Yuyake played with him in the gardens, running around and hiding aimlessly.

One time, the two of them were playing in under a large willow tree that was surrounded by a multitude of flowers. As far as the eye could see, vibrant colors stretched to the end of the enclosed field. At the edges nearby were sweet smelling buttercups and purple lilacs that were blooming. Behind them was a rose bush that had light pink petals that were opening. Gokudera and Yuyake sat back to back the high branches, taking in the sweet smell and colorful view. Unknown to Yuyake, Gokudera turned a light red as she inched over next to him, laying her tired head on his shoulders.

"Gokudera?"

"Yes?"

"Will the nice lady come over? I want to see her."

Tense silence.

"I'm sure she'll come!"

There was festive air around Gokudera as he walked around in the mansion. It was his birthday and he had turned eight. No one around him said anything and he didn't see his father or mother. So when he met with Yuyake, he was overjoyed when she sang him Happy Birthday and gave him a warm hug.

Looking up at Gokudera, Yuyake let a worried expression show. "What's wrong, Gokudera?" she asked, her voice nervous. Gokudera just looked at her and shook his head slowly. Biting her lip, Yuyake let Gokudera out of her embrace and stepped back.

"Gokudera! You obviously are not feeling well!" she declared, her voice rising. Gokudera shushed her but his ears turned red at her attempt to cheer him up. Eyes glinting, Yuyake grinned and shook her head. With a quick movement, Yuyake reached out and gently slapped Gokudera's shoulder. "Tag!" she yelled as she began to run down the long hall. Gokudera stood there for a moment, unsure of what happened. But quickly, he began to chase after the teasing girl who disappeared around the corner.

Quietly, Gokudera ran through the halls looking for Yuyake. As he approached a corner, he heard whisperings of some maids. Flattening himself on the wall, Gokudera listened intently.

"Did you hear? That boy's not his!" someone whispered.

"No, no. He is his, just not his wife's." another whispered. The group laughed uncomfortably as someone continued speaking.

"You know the lady that used to come? The one with the beautiful silver hair? I heard she was young master's mother." Several gasps sounded as Gokudera felt his face light up. Could it be? The kind lady was his mother? But his heart dropped as he heard the next part. "And I heard she died not too long ago." Again, the group of maids gasped, but in a more solemn tone. Their voices became quieter and eventually faded away as they walked down the hall to continue their chores. They left Gokudera with little information but he easily processed it all in his mind. Sliding down the wall with his face in his hands, Gokudera sunk into a dark mood.

Yuyake was hiding in a closet for a long time before she grew suspicious. Normally, Gokudera found her within fifteen minutes but it had been a half an hour. Slowly climbing out of the large closet, Yuyake peaked around, checking for Gokudera. Her heart beat faster as worried filled her mind. Dashing down the halls, Yuyake was out of breath by the time she found Gokudera.

He had moved himself out of the hall and into the piano room. Gokudera sat against the wall with what seemed to be bitter sweet tears streaming down his face. When he heard the heavy oak door open, he cut off his sobs. To his relief, it was just Yuyake who poked her head in. When she saw him, she nimbly slipped into the room and closing the door behind her, she ran towards her glum friend.

"Are you okay?" she whispered, gently touching his shoulder. He looked up at her pitifully and Yuyake felt her face twist with pain. Slowly, Yuyake sat down next to him and leaned on him, closing her eyes. Yuyake felt Gokudera stiffen at first but he eventually loosened up and his soft sobs halted completely.

"Gokudera. What happened?" Yuyake murmured. Gokudera held back for a moment but soon, he let his whole story out. He explained what he heard and what his theory was. He believed the nice lady was his mother and she died somehow. Processing the information, Yuyake drew her feet up and laid her head on her knees. Whispering quietly, she sighed. "What a small world." Gokudera's silence was the only answer she needed to know his answer. Yes. The world was too small and twisted.

It happened slowly at first. Yuyake thought she needed to give Gokudera some space to recover so she stayed away from him. But she found that he started avoiding her every time she went to greet him. Gokudera no longer was willing to play in the trees or carefully play the piano. A year went by before Yuyake realized Gokudera was drifting too far away from her.

The next year was no better. Gokudera was only eight but he was becoming a handful for everyone. He stubbornly tried to disobey his father's orders and began to skip the lessons. In the lessons, Yuyake went and the teacher did their best to teach her instead. Many of them were worried that if they weren't teaching Gokudera, they would be fired. But much to their relief, they kept their jobs for another three years.

When Gokudera turned nine, rumors flew around the mansion that he was trying to join the Mafia. But because he was only known as a pianist, he was turned down by everyone. Yuyake tried to start a conversation with him but he coldly pushed her away. While Yuyake watched Gokudera walk away, she missed the pained and lonely look that was on his face.

The next five years was a blur for Yuyake. From a distance, she watched Gokudera grow up into a rebellious boy who refused to obey his father. Often he left the mansion for long periods of time and came back with wounds covering him. Even when Yuyake offered to help him with his wounds, Gokudera pushed her away. Within the five years, Gokudera's father dedicated his time to making sure Yuyake was trained. He did not legally adopt her but they were close enough to be considered father and daughter. Although her marksman ship was extremely well, Yuyake preferred to fight hand to hand. She received a blunt but painful black pole that collapsed into different sizes and fit into her pocket. At first, Yuyake handled in clumsily but she quickly learned to use it was grace and accuracy. With it, she could easily fracture skulls and break bones.

The hate that Gokudera held towards his father was painfully obvious. Every moment he spent in front of his father was with mocking politeness and bitter words. Gokudera's father tried to explain why he hid his mother but Gokudera would have none of it. Once, Yuyake heard a private and disturbing conversation.

"Gokudera. We need to talk. Your behavior is not acceptable to be the heir of this family-"

Yuyake flinched as she heard the hatred in Gokudera's voice. "Like hell I care. I'm not even yours! My mother isn't here so I have no reason to even be some _heir_." A bitter silence filled the room as Yuyake stood at the door, stiff and ready to run. She heard footsteps approach her but she couldn't move fast enough.

Losing her balance as the door surprised her, Yuyake tipped and fell backwards. Looking up, she saw Gokudera looking down at her. He had a mix of surprise and regret on his face as he awkwardly held his hand out to help Yuyake up. Smiling, she took his hand and steadily stood up. But she didn't let go and instead began pulling him down the halls with a sudden force.

"Woman! Where the hell are you taking me!" he hollered as he was forcefully pulled out into the fields where he used to play. A wistful look crossed his face for a moment before it hardened into a rebellious and cold one. Smiling gently, Yuyake pulled him down at the willow tree and sat next to him. Gokudera spat out a few words as she leaned her head against his shoulder. As a playful smile flickered on her face, Yuyake noted that Gokudera's shoulder wasn't small or weak anymore. It was strong and wide.

Sighing, Yuyake muttered teasingly, "Gokudera, why are you so rude now?" After hearing that, Gokudera closed his mouth and turned his away. The silence between the two lessened slightly as they watched the branches of the willow tree dance above their heads. But a strange smell made Yuyake twitch her nose and sit up, more alert.

"Gokudera?"

"Hm?" he replied, turning his head towards her. His cold and lonely look was replaced with a peaceful and pleasant smile.

Frowning, Yuyake asked, "Are you smoking?" She watched Gokudera stiffen and saw the calm look in his eyes fade.

"Why does it matter to you?" he shot back as stood up. Not expecting Gokudera to move, Yuyake fell onto the grass on her back. She looked up at him with rejected and troubled eyes. Flinching from the look, Gokudera turned around and quickly walked away from Yuyake, not wanting to see the overflow of her feelings.

Watching his back fade away for the last time, Yuyake's eyes pooled with tears. "Because I hold you dear," she whispered into the air, alone once more.

A decade passed and the deep feelings of being abandoned no longer existed in Yuyake. The only feelings she still held for Gokudera were small and well hidden in her own lies. When she joined the Varia, Yuyake never expected to ever bump into him again. Smiling at the irony of life, Yuyake watched Gokudera's face struggle to conceal his surprise. _But then again, the world is small and who can tell fate where to go?_


	2. Chapter 2

I'm really sorry that I keep writing these "oneshots". It's just that I feel I needed to finish Yuyake's first encounter with Gokudera, after the long years. *sighs* Anyway, review are appreciated!~

* * *

><p>Staring across the table, Gokudera could barely hold back his bewilderment as he stared at Yuyake. After ten years of no contact, the two were closer than he thought. His warm eyes suddenly hardened as he remembered what happened between the two of them. But Yuyake sat there calmly as if she had forgotten him. Her eyes stared back with a warm look that gleamed with a sliver of mischief. Her hair was no longer long and flowing as he had remembered it but cut short until just brushed her shoulders. Yuyake's childish bangs were swept to the side and they outlined her dark piercing eyes.<p>

"Um…Gokudera? Are you okay?" Tsuna asked nervously as he looked at the two. Gokudera sat back down in his seat and nodded. Any stray emotions had melted away from his face and turned into concentration as Gokudera began writing some papers. Bel leaned against the wall, watching the short exchange between Yuyake and Gokudera.

"Ushishishi~ The princess knows the person?" he questioned Yuyake. She simply responded by nodding her head and turned her attention back to Tsuna.

Tsuna was shocked how polite Yuyake was. The Varia was filled with loud and rude people who ignored normal rules. He wondered how their Cloud Guardian was so refined when she was supposed to be solitary and distant. It shocked him even more when he heard her gentle and calming voice.

"Sawada Tsunayoshi. It is nice to meet you," she said, her voice soft and inviting. It reminded Tsuna of distant wind chimes that were blowing in a gentle breeze.

"Ah! Hello, Murasaki Yuyake," Tsuna replied, trying to deliver his words with equal grace. Clearing his throat, he allowed a natural smile to grow on his face. "As you are aware, you are the new Cloud Guardian of the Varia. We wish invite you and your _family_ to a party that is held today night."

The warm glow of Yuyake's eye changed and her eyes seemed to cool, turning into sharp obsidian. "So in all, you wish to publicly inform the Mafia world the Varia is complete? And that the last member is a woman?" she asked bluntly. Behind her, Bel stiffened and he leaned away from Yuyake, as if wary of an explosion happening.

Calmly as possible, Tsuna managed to reply, "Yes" before words froze in his throat. Besides him, Gokudera snapped out of his dazed thoughts and turned his attention to Yuyake.

"The party will begin in three hours. Get your _family_ ready by then," he said curtly. And then, as if startled by his own voice, Gokudera added "please" to the end of the sentence. Tsuna was taken aback by Gokudera's sudden politeness but decided not to comment on it. A soft laugh bought his attention back to Yuyake as she smiled.

"So polite all of a sudden? How nice," she smiled as she rose from her chair. Gokudera looked as if he wanted to say something but bit back his own words as Yuyake waved good bye to the two of them. "See you two later then," she said as she walked through the door Bel had held open for her.

After listening to Bel's laughs fade, Tsuna turned his head towards Gokudera. "Do you know her?" he questioned curiously. Much to his surprise, Gokudera kept silent and nodded, his face overwhelmed with surprise, regret, and a hint of melancholy.

Upon entering the loud room, The Varia turned their attention to Yuyake. Xanxus even glanced at her, acknowledging her presence. Bel went to sit on the couch, next to Fran while Squalo shut his mouth for a moment. But then, he questioned her, "Well? What the hell did the Vongola brat want with you?"

Yuyake let a sly smile cross her lips. "They want us to be present at their party tonight," she informed him as she took a seat in a chair that sat by a window. In a teasing voice, she added, "And you all should go. It's a white tie event so I hope you attend while dressed correctly." She ignored the irritated glare that Squalo shot her and looked at her boss. "I hope you go as well," she said, smiling at Xanxus face. It was obvious he didn't want to go.

"Trash! You know we have work to do!" Squalo yelled as he watched Yuyake. His anger rose sharply as Yuyake turned her head to look at him.

With a satisfied and sly smile, she grinned. "I know. That's why I'll just take Bel with me." Bel twisted around and looked at Yuyake.

"The prince has to go?" he asked quizzically. Yuyake gave him a sweet smile and nodded.

"Yes. You are going." Quickly standing up, Yuyake walked briskly to the door and ducked as a knife breezed past her head. Chuckling, Yuyake waved to Bel. "Don't forget. Be there at eight." Slipping out and dodging a barrage of knives, Yuyake closed the thick door behind her and bumped into something warm. Stepping back, Yuyake raised her head slightly to meet the eyes of Gokudera.

Erasing the mischievous smile off her face, Yuyake replaced it with a polite grin. Gokudera looked at her with steady dark eyes that trembled slightly. "Yuyake?" he whispered into the air.

Already walking past him, Yuyake patted his shoulder lightly. "Yes yes. It's me." She heard a heavy sigh behind her but she quickened her pace and disappeared as she turned a corner. By the time Gokudera slowly turned around, Yuyake was already out of his sight. He bit back a frustrated curse as he turned to walk back to his office. After ten years, he couldn't even start a decent conversation with Yuyake. Mumbling to himself, he wondered if Yuyake even held feelings for him anymore. But he knew that he himself held a frail fragment of childhood love.

Murmurs filled the elegant air as Yuyake and Bel walked into a lavishly furnished party room. Many eyes were turned towards Yuyake and they eyed her hungrily. She wore a deep purple strapless dress that hugged her gentle curving figure. It split slightly at her right side, fanning out delicately. The mesmerizing purple fabric stopped at her tights and ruffles made of soft black material continued down until it reached between her knees and tight. Yuyake had black stockings that were paired with formal black heels. Her slender arms were covered with long gloves that were above her elbows but below her shoulders. Yuyake's jet black hair was brushed neatly and tucked in her right ear was a bundle of purple lilac whose perfumed smell enveloped her delicately.

Next to her, Bel wore a formal black suit with a white dress shirt. Forced by Yuyake, he wore a black tie along with dress shoes. The air around him seemed calmer and more civilized. But of course, his hair added a frenzy feeling that buzzed in the atmosphere. He and Yuyake had joined arms before entering but they parted as they felt stares stabbing them. At first, Bel had a frown on his lips that quickly changed into a playful grin as he and Yuyake approached the Vongola members. They had been surrounded by many other families that were clamoring for attention from the aristocrats of the Mafia world. However, the clicking of Yuyake's heels made them turn around and pale. They did not recognize Yuyake but they all knew of Bel. Parting to the side, Bel and Yuyake easily walked up to the Vongola who were talking to some members of the Chiavarone.

Coughing softly, Yuyake got Tsuna's attention and he turned around to greet her. Looking at her, he took a step back in surprise. First, he was startled that Bel was wearing something formal. Then, as his eyes turned to Yuyake, he took a sharp breath. She looked graceful and calm even in the center of attention. Her eyes were looking at him, waiting for him to say something.

Clearing his throat, Tsuna bowed slightly and said, "It's nice that you made it, Yuyake." Smiling warmly, Yuyake nodded her head and peaked around Tsuna. Behind him was Gokudera who was talking to the Chiavarone. He looked like he was deep into his conversation, something about increased security in some base.

"If you want, Gokudera can talk to you," Tsuna guessed, unsure.

Yuyake chuckled quietly as she took a step back, pulling Bel back from attacking Gokudera. "No, no. That's not necessary." Tilting her head in thought, she continued, ignoring the interested glance that Gokudera shot at her. "Besides," she grinned sarcastically, "Don't you have to 'introduce' me?" Next to her, Bel laughed quietly, the sound only reaching her ears. Tsuna took a deep breath in and nodded. Excusing himself politely, Tsuna led Yuyake, with Bel trailing behind, to what seemed to be the front of the grand room. Clapping his hands loudly, he easily got the attention of everyone in the room.

"Dear families," he said, his voice ringing out in the silent room. "Today, the Varia has their last member of their guardians." Stepping to the side, he made way for Yuyake to step forward. Murmurs filled the room once more as their eyes observed Yuyake.

Unfazed by the attention, Yuyake smiled at the crowd, opening her mouth. "Hello familias, it is an honor to meet the majority of you. As Tsunayoshi has explained, I am the newest member of the Varia, their Cloud Ring holder. I am honored to be selected when I was just an insignificant _researcher._" She bowed formally, her right hand in front of her. As she straightened up, she felt a stare directed at her. Swiftly, she spotted Gokudera who was trying not to pay attention to her. The smile on her lips widened as she turned back to Tsuna. In a sweet voice, she asked, "Is that all?"

Nodding, Tsuna excused himself and turned his attention to answering a questioning family. As she walked away, Yuyake heard them speaking.

"Not to be rude, Tsunayoshi, but a woman? And the way she dresses…she seems inappropriate," a voice quietly whispered, afraid of being overheard.

Tsuna chuckled and replied smoothly, "Don't worry. She is very strong. And she doesn't always dress like this so…" His voice trailed off as his warm caramel eyes melted away the worries of the familia member.

Muttering, Bel spoke up. "Principessa, _now_ may I go?" he asked, his voice sounding impatient.

Jokingly, Yuyake laughed, her voice sounding like quiet wind chimes, and gently pushed Bel towards the door. "Yes yes, you can go," she chuckled. Quickly, Bel left her and walked out the open doors. As soon as he left, Yuyake let a soft sigh out. She didn't want to be at a party where people stared at her with curiosity, fear, and ill will. So after grabbing a small glass of champagne, Yuyake slipped out of the chattering room, unnoticed by others, and onto the balcony outside, closing the door behind her.

Shivering slightly as a night breeze brushed past her, Yuyake leaned on the stone railing, looking down on the still waters of the pond that reflected the round moon from the sky. Placing her glass next to her, Yuyake's gaze trialed off as she turned her attention to the trees standing nearby. Everything around her became muted as her eyes followed the slow movements of the willow tree. Lost in the silence, Yuyake failed to notice the doors behind her opening quickly and quietly and then close shut firmly.

Warm fingers touched her cool shoulder, startling Yuyake. Composing herself quickly, Yuyake looked over her shoulder to see Gokudera there, his face equally calm as hers. He wore a formal suit like everyone else but his dress shirt was red and he wore five rings on each finger. In his eyes was a reflection of impatient excitement that Yuyake easily read.

"Hello there, Gokudera. Nice meeting you here," Yuyake said, her eyes showing nothing of her thoughts. But deep inside her, she was struggling to keep down warm emotions that threatened to burst out.

Taken aback by her formality, Gokudera replied back. "Nice meeting you here too, Yuyake." He said the last part hesitatingly as if he was worried Yuyake would respond violently. But instead, she turned her body around completely and sat on the railing, legs hanging. Her eyes were filled to the brim with a sly and mischievous look as she looked at Gokudera. Blushing slightly, Gokudera joined her at the side, leaning on the cold railing. He tried his best not to turn his attention to what she was wearing but his eyes kept slipping back to her, lingering on her exposed shoulders and neck.

Yuyake sipped her drink, tilting her head back slightly. She felt Gokudera's eyes watch her but ignored him. To her, he was now simply a…colleague who had no other significance. Or so she tried to think. Warm shards of childhood love stirred in her heart as she tried to ignore them, lying to herself. "He left. That's all there is to it. No love. No hard feelings," Yuyake recited to herself in her mind as she had done repeatedly before. Still her heart gently fluttered as she heard Gokudera's smooth and calming voice.

"How's it between you and Bel?" he asked bluntly, irritation crawling onto his face. Yuyake said nothing but allowed a genuine smile to creep onto her face. Her silence made Gokudera twitch in annoyance. He told himself it didn't matter what was between them but he still wanted to know. Humming softly, Yuyake rocked back and forth, making Gokudera glance at her. "You'll fall, you know," he murmured.

Scoffing, Yuyake startled Gokudera. "Do you really think that such fall would kill me?" In a more gently voice, she continued. "I am in the Varia. I am not weak." Gokudera turned his head away from her, nodding. He had seen her training when they were younger. Even then, she was exceptionally strong. But still, every time he imagined her rocking back, a feeling in his stomach made him uncomfortable.

Hearing a relived sigh as she stopped rocking, Yuyake looked at Gokudera teasingly. "Why so worried about me? I'll be fine either way." She watched Gokudera's face turn slightly red as he turned the other way, trying to hide his embarrassment. Her gaze softening, Yuyake reached her arm out to tap on Gokudera's shoulders but a gust of wind blew, causing her hair to fly. Instinctively, Yuyake reached up to her ear as she felt her purple flower slip off. Her eyes widening, Yuyake glanced around desperately to see if the delicate flower was anywhere around.

Gokudera couldn't help but to chuckle as he watched Yuyake search for the flower. She had quickly changed from a calm person to someone who tripped over their own words. Biting his tongue, Gokudera had to comment to himself that Yuyake looked innocent as she became flustered. He allowed himself to smile as he picked up the perfumed flower that laid on the railing, as if waiting for him to give it back to its original owner. A sudden thought went through Gokudera's mind as he tapped Yuyake's shoulder. He knew the lilac meant something but what was it?

Yuyake spun around, her eyes lighting up as she saw Gokudera holding the purple flower. "You found it! Now Fran won't be upset!" she sighed in relief, holding her hand out, expecting Gokudera to give to flower back.

A look of jealousy flickered onto Gokudera's face but was quickly replaced by a look of curiosity. Staring at the flower, he tried to remember what was. Blissful memories or fields of these flowers went through his mind as he heard Yuyake cough quietly. Meeting Yuyake's eyes, Gokudera wondered out loud, his voice quiet. "Yuyake, what does this mean?" he asked, mumbling the last part.

Yuyake stared at him for a moment and turned light pink for a moment. A sly smile replacing her shy one, she chuckled. "A lilac is a common symbol for _love_, if that is what you're thinking about," she said smoothly, plucking the flower out of Gokudera's hand. "Thank you for the _lilac_, Gokudera." Yuyake watched Gokudera blush fiercely and frowned, aware of the feelings that she was beginning to feel. Warmth fluttered in her heart as Gokudera leaned forward, his lips quickly meeting hers and then drawing back. Clenching her fists and trying to get a hold of herself, Yuyake looked at Gokudera with a forced look of distain.

Gokudera's face was as red as his bright dress shirt and his eyes flickered nervously to Yuyake. He had decided to take a chance while questioning his own sanity and kissed Yuyake. Gokudera was sure that she held the same feelings that he had but the darkening look on her face made him unsure. The air around them was silent and even the sound of the gently dancing willow trees ceased. Breathing deeply, Yuyake forced her fluttering feelings to settle down and looked at Gokudera, who was calming himself. Her voice stayed as a quiet whisper but Gokudera heard every word.

"I refuse it," she said, the words drifting through the night air. Gokudera only took a second to understand what she meant. Of course she refused to love him back. After all, he did leave her alone, not even telling her why. Grimacing, Gokudera was sure that Yuyake actually harbored hate for him. Turning around and straightening his tie, Gokudera scoffed and walked away from Yuyake whose eyes were void and dark under the dim moonlight. He heard a swish of fabric and the clinking of glass and spun around.

In front of him was an empty railing that a glass of champagne had spilled on. Yuyake seemed to disappear, leaving behind her lilac. Rushing to peer over the railing, Gokudera caught a fleeting glimpse of what seemed to be Yuyake who was melting back into the shadows, where she belonged. The lilac that laid next to his hand, amidst the wet liquid, was fading quickly into the air. Gingerly, Gokudera held the flower and watched it fall apart completely, turning back into empty dreams that it came from. With a sorrowful but understanding look, Gokudera turned around, hands reaching to the door that separated him from his dear boss. He returned to the bright sky that was illuminated while his heart slipped away with the dark night sky.


End file.
